How to Support a Loved One Who Is Struggling Right Now
January can be a difficult month for many people. The holidays are over, winter is in full swing, and the start of a new year can bring pressure, exhaustion, or feelings of isolation. For some, these factors can trigger or worsen depression symptoms, leaving them quietly struggling. If someone you care about seems “off,” you may be unsure how to help. Knowing what to look for and how to respond can make a meaningful difference.
Signs Someone Is Silently Struggling
People who are depressed or overwhelmed often hide their feelings, either out of fear, shame, or not wanting to burden others. You might notice subtle changes in mood or behavior rather than overt signs of distress.
These can include withdrawing from social interactions, losing interest in hobbies they normally enjoy, having trouble concentrating, or expressing unusual irritability. They may complain of fatigue, changes in appetite, or sleep disturbances. Emotional numbness (i.e. appearing detached or “flat”) is another sign that someone is quietly struggling.
Pay attention to changes over time. Even small shifts in behavior or demeanor can indicate deeper emotional challenges.
Scripts for Checking in Compassionately
Approaching a loved one with care is key. You want them to feel heard, not judged or pressured. Simple, open-ended questions can help start a conversation:
“I’ve noticed you seem a little down lately. How are you feeling?”
“I care about you and want to understand what’s going on. Do you want to talk about it?”
“I’m here for you, no matter what you need.”
The tone matters as much as the words. Speak softly, make eye contact, and allow silence when needed. Sometimes just showing you are present is the most powerful support.
What Not to Say to Someone Who is Struggling
Certain phrases, even if well-intentioned, can feel dismissive or make someone withdraw further. Avoid statements like:
“Snap out of it.”
“Everyone feels down in January; just get over it.”
“You’re being dramatic.”
“I know exactly how you feel.”
Instead, focus on listening, validating their experience, and offering support without judgment. Your role is to witness and encourage, not to fix.
How to Encourage Help Without Pressure
It can be difficult to know how to motivate someone to seek help without making them feel cornered. Offer resources gently:
“If you want, I can help you find someone to talk to.”
“Would it feel helpful if we looked at some options together?”
“I can go with you if you want support.”
Make clear that seeking help is a sign of strength, not weakness. Emphasize that professional support can complement their existing coping strategies, not replace them.
When Concerns Become Urgent
Sometimes, a loved one’s struggle requires immediate attention. Signs that professional or emergency help is needed include:
Talking about wanting to die or self-harm
Expressing hopelessness or feeling trapped
Severe withdrawal from daily life
Inability to care for basic needs
If you notice any of these signs, reach out right away to trained professionals. In the U.S., you can dial or text 988 for the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline. If there is immediate danger, call 911.
For ongoing support, Alleviant’s mental health providers can help your loved one navigate depression, anxiety, or trauma in a safe and compassionate space. Professional guidance ensures they receive tailored care and practical strategies for recovery.
Supporting someone who is silently struggling can feel overwhelming, but small, compassionate actions can have a big impact. Checking in, listening without judgment, offering gentle guidance toward help, and knowing when to seek emergency support are all ways to show care.
You do not have to navigate this alone. Alleviant is here to support both you and your loved ones through challenging times.
