How to Support Someone in Recovery Without Trying to “Fix” Them
September is National Recovery Month, a time to recognize and celebrate individuals working to overcome mental health and substance use challenges. It is also a reminder for all of us that recovery is a journey, not a destination. For those who care about someone in recovery, this month can be an opportunity to reflect on how to provide meaningful support.
When someone we care about is on the path of recovery, it is natural to want to help. We might feel a strong urge to give advice, solve problems, or take away their pain. While this comes from a place of love, it can sometimes unintentionally communicate that they are broken or that we know what is best for them. Recovery is deeply personal, and progress does not always follow a straight line. One of the most powerful ways to support someone is to walk alongside them without trying to “fix” them.
Why the Fix-It Approach Can Be Harmful
Trying to solve someone’s struggles for them can take away their sense of control. It can also create pressure to get better in the way or timeline we expect. Recovery is not about returning to a previous version of life. It is about finding new ways to live, cope, and thrive. When we focus on fixing problems rather than supporting the person, it can make them feel judged, misunderstood, or pressured. True support comes from presence, empathy, and patience.
Ways to Support Without Taking Over
Supporting someone in recovery means being present and compassionate. Here are practical strategies:
Listen more than you talk. Allow them to share their experiences without interruptions or immediate solutions.
Ask how you can help. Let them guide the conversation about what kind of support would be most useful.
Celebrate small victories. Recognize progress, even if it seems minor.
Respect autonomy. Allow them to make choices about their recovery.
Learn about their condition. Understanding challenges can help you respond with empathy and without judgment.
What to Say Instead of Advice
Sometimes what someone in recovery needs most is to feel seen and heard. Instead of trying to fix, try saying:
“I am here for you.”
“That sounds really hard. Thank you for sharing it with me.”
“You are not alone in this.”
“I believe in you.”
These statements affirm their feelings and show that you are a safe person to talk to.
Taking Care of Yourself While Supporting Others
Supporting someone in recovery can be emotionally demanding. It is important to prioritize your own mental health so you can show up in a healthy way. This can include setting boundaries, seeking support for yourself, and taking time to recharge.
The Power of Presence
You do not need to have all the answers to support someone in recovery. Your willingness to listen, accept them as they are, and stand beside them through the highs and lows can make a significant difference. National Recovery Month highlights the importance of community, connection, and understanding in the journey of recovery. By showing up without trying to fix, you honor both their path and the strength it takes to continue moving forward.
At Alleviant Integrated Mental Health, we provide compassionate care for individuals in recovery and guidance for loved ones on how to offer support effectively. Recovery is a shared journey, and your presence can be a vital part of that process.
